January Jones welcomes Tom Ingrassia and Jared Chrudimsky co-author’s of When One Door Closes: Overcoming Adversity By Following Your Dreams sharing their guest Mary Wilson of The Supremes!
I’ve never been one to feel sorry for myself. When bad things would happen in my life I never asked “why me?” I would, instead, inquire “why not me?” I learned early-on that bad things happen in everyone’s life and I was not exempt so I developed a mindset of quiet self-resignation – I simply accepted life’s misfortunes.
It’s easy to recognize those who wallow in self-pity. They use phrases such as, “Why me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Nothing ever works out for me.” They continually complain about life’s unfairness, always viewing themselves as the victim. They compare themselves to others, struggle with jealousy, and focus largely on the negative. I have a client who buys lottery tickets each week but never a winning one. “If it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all”, he complains. He fails to see that he has a great job and doesn’t need the additional winnings provided by Powerball. Years ago I had a friend who was consumed with bitterness after her husband left her for a younger woman. Upon receiving her final divorce papers, she threw herself a “pity party”, inviting all of her female friends for an evening of whining (with wine) and complaining. I politely declined.
Pathetic Pity People (P3’s, as I refer to them) are narcissistic drama queens who find it hard to recognize the good in their lives or to make light of their personal hardships. They crave attention and sympathy from others. Behaviors, if repeated frequently enough, can become habitual and feeling sorry for oneself is emotional quicksand – it can be psychological suicide.
Is there hope that P3’s can redeem themselves from this affliction? Absolutely! Awareness is the first key.
1. Take notice of the times when you feel sorry for yourself. Replace regretful thoughts with those of gratitude, regardless of how trivial they may seem.
2. Substitute the word “to” with “for”: “Why is this happening to me?” becomes “Why is this happening for me?” To positions me as a victim; for as the recipient of a gift. A simple shift in perception changes the way one views themselves.
3. Engage in physical activity. Endorphins are feel-good chemicals naturally released by the brain that alleviate stress, anxiety, anger, sadness, self-pity, and such.
4. Utilize prayer and meditation as a preventative measure to ward off any negative thoughts. Read the Bible. Recite daily positive affirmations.
5. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be miserable or happy?” Since all feelings are generated by thoughts, choose the appropriate internal dialogue to create the emotions you want to experience.
6. Seek the life lessons in each event. Find their purpose and value and apply them to improving the quality of your life.
7. Discover your purpose in life. Does self-pity support your life’s mission or sabotage it? Know that your reason for being here is vital. Focus your energy in being as successful as possible in your endeavors.
8. Remember that you are a sacred child of God, loved beyond measure, blessed daily by the abundant grace of a loving Father. “Let not your heart be troubled.” ~ John: 14 Ask God to make His presence known to you. It is impossible to feel sorry for yourself when you feel God’s love.
As I got older I discovered the teachings of the Dalai Lama. One of his most profound quotes that impacted my life was, “There are no victims in life; only students.” I realized that I was not a victim of injustices, favoritism, betrayals or my circumstances. On the contrary. Not only did I participate on some level with every circumstance that entered my life but each was here for my higher good. Much later on, I came to a deeper understanding that everything was, in fact, designed to bring me into a deeper more intimate relationship with God. How can one pity themselves when ultimately everything in life is a blessing? From loss, to abuse, to prejudice and even disease – all of life’s events have the potential to assist us on our spiritual expedition if we choose to use them as such. Self-pity is a reinforced concrete wall that obstructs the beauties along our journey. It is the shortest road to misery. So traverse the longer road: with all of its bumps, unexpected twists, and detours is more the scenic route, one filled with exquisite encounters and pleasures, moving you ever closer to your Grand destination.
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Carolyn has been a registered nurse since 1983, with experience in medical/surgical, and pre/postoperative care. She is married to Chiropractor Dr. Adlai Green, and together they have been working at their established wellness center outside of Orlando, Fla. for the past 34 years. Carolyn trained and is certified in several forms of energy medicine, with a concentration on Healing Touch that is accrdited by the American Holistic Nurse’s Association.
She is certified in quantum and as a medical intuitive. Carolyn is certified as a life coach as well. In her healing practice she integrates all of her knowledge and abilities for a comprehensive view on how we function on levels of the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects. Her works based on the knowing, that we are energietic beings in a physical body, and works to help her clients integrate all of themselves to foster the healing process on all levels of their lives.
Carolyn always had the ability. She had become more aware of this when her father passed at age 10.. Since 1989 she has acquired the gift and ability to hear her guides, angels and passed loved ones around her, as well as for others. Her intention in her work is to help each individual to be able to connect within themselves, to be able to attain the guidance and support in their lives, to help them move forward.
She says,” The Universe provides unlimited information and guidance when we stop to listen or sense it, as it is all around us. We are soulful beings, engaging that aspect of ourselves will provide all the validation of self one needs.”
Carolyn published her first book titled, Getting to Know You, guided pearls of wisdom for a more soulful existence. Published by Balboa Press, a division of Hay House. She is looking forward to getting out to the public with this work, to help people connect to the wonderful gifts we all inhabit. She has spoken as an invited guest to schools of alternative medicine. Her presentations are interactive, fun and informative, as she brings a light hearted humor to enlightened subjects.
Carolyn is a member of the Florida Nurse’s Association, Healing Touch International and the National Speakers Association. She is also a proud member of the American Holistic Nurses Association where she connects and gets continued education on all aspects of holistic health. She is an advocate of the power of nutrition, essential oils, and crystal therapy, as well as Chiropractic, and acupuncture. Look for future information on this site relating to this and other powerful forms of alternative medicine.
Carolyn lives in Orlando, with her husband and three children, where she has an active energy based practice.